Walls Crumble

When I was using and drinking back in my dark years of substance abuse, I did not have certain words in my vocabulary, words like hope, peace, or contentment. Their definitions were not in my brain. But the following experience is one that I now can describe as having hope and receiving peace, let me share it with you now, it’s a portion taken from my memoir Carried by Faith: From Substance Abuse to a Life Filled with Miracles

The protective wall from my childhood were still standing and hiding my broken heart that was full of pain. At times, I would cry out because my life seemed so utterly hopeless. The crying was like light penetrating the thick walls, awakening my emotions. Many times, I would break down crying out in more frustration, anger, and exhaustion saying, “If there is a God, help me, please help me!” I had no other option but to cry out. This was the beginning of breaking down the brick and mortar in my walls and they had started to crumble.

This God I cried out to for help was foreign to me. I had no true knowledge of Him because I had pushed Him far way. I surely did not think He would help me, nor would He hear me. As I sat there in pure exhaustion, I heard a still, small voice, sounding like I was talking to myself, “It will be okay.” At that instant, I felt something I had never experienced, it was the most indescribable peace that came over me. It felt like someone came and poured oil all over me, it was comforting and soothing, it made me motionless, frozen in the moment.

The emotions that were held up in me for years came pouring out as tears of relief. I finally surrendered and let go of my self-centered determination to try and stay in control. It had disappeared. This God that others spoke of was giving me relief and peace. He was doing something to me I could not conceive nor understand. I was in awe at the knowledge that there truly had to be a God who loved me.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

This was the first day I came to believe in the one true God, the one who was going to help me. It was the beginning step into a personal relationship with God, of knowing Him in a way I heard others talk about. It was not the same God who I was told would condemn me for the rest of my life. He was someone I could start to trust and try to love.

The sense of peace I experience while hearing the still, small voice had such an impact on me that it turned my ways of darkness to light. The high, dark walls I hid behind were falling apart.

Every day since that day described in the above writing has not been all white picket fences and rose bushes. There have been many peaks and valleys of highs and lows in my emotions BUT one constant has been God, He has never left me.

Today, many years after the walls crumbled, I have hope and peace more days than not – Praise God! He will set us free when we lean on Him and let Him lead the way.

If you want to know more about how to let God be a part of your life OR if you are lukewarm and need to get Him back to where you want Him to be connect with me or go look at the many free resources I have created to help your relationship with God grow.

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